Straight friends gone gay
I walked through the crowd at DC’s Capital Identity festival on June 8 as groups were lining up to set off on the Pride parade. Walking down a crowded side street, I saw one of the loveliest men in town, a linear ally. He greeted me warmly, hugged me, and kissed me on the cheek. I thought happily, how times have changed!
Despite the risk we now face of legal setbacks from a right-wing Supreme Court, the greater social and cultural acceptance Gay people have won is largely beyond the achieve of politicians and judges. Changed expectations are difficult to erase.
Generational change is not the same everywhere. Cities attract people who take diversity more in stride. Urban/rural divides unseal us to wedge politics. We have more serve to do to aid people see that differences are not a threat.
Something I have experienced more frequently in recent years is straight men who enjoy the company of gay men, and even flirt with them. They are not interested sexually, but neither are they threatened in any way. I find it refreshing.
I have had straight neighbors like that. One was a mix of Anglo and Asian. He is the kind of person who lights up any room he is in. Normally in the morning he darted down
Straight men don’t want lgbtq+ friends
Content Note: mention of homophobia
It’s my first week at Cambridge and I am walking to a lecture with the other people from my course at my college. We make the casual, lifeless small talk of freshers’ week. Except, I hold no idea what they’re talking about. I attempt to ask, but I am met with smirks, half-explanations and at worst I am ignored. Any attempt to change the conversation, about an designer I’ve never listened to, is likewise ignored. I soon learn to express joy along with the others, smirk and snort as they do. I complete up talking to the only girl of the group. We have nothing in common except she is equally as bored with the conversation as I am.
Now, this event would not have irritated me much, except that it is part of a trend that I have been experiencing my entire life. Being excluded by straight men is not unfamiliar territory for me - by this point it’s to be expected. I recall entity called gay in the playground as early as 9; at age 13, a boy I considered a good friend suddenly started mocking my noticeable effeminacy; and just this year a friend standing next to me used the word “gay” to describe his broken TV.
"To be accepted ar
It is a fairly shared phenomenon for a same-sex attracted or bisexual person to become attracted to or fall in love with one of their unbent friends. In fact, it is so common, that it is known to be a ‘queer rite of passage’ – something that happens to most gay people at some point in their lifetime. The likelihood of this happening is so tall because the majority of people in the nature are straight, and therefore it is statistically more probable that you might end up crushing on one of your vertical friends.
The golden question: what do you do if this happens to you?
If you are currently in this situation, you may be asking yourself this very question. Do you tell your friend how you feel about them? If you do, how would you go about it? Or would you rather just keep everything to yourself and depart on with your friendship with them as usual?
You might need to take some time to reflect on whether disclosing your attraction towards your friend is worth the risk. Nonetheless, whether or not you choose to act on your feelings is your own personal choice. However, it might be beneficial to be prepared for the distinct possible responses that you may receive, should you actually want to
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Daniel Mallory Ortberg is online weekly to chat live with readers. Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat.
Daniel Mallory Ortberg: Hi, everyone! Hope you all enjoyed the break—now it’s back to your regularly scheduled Dear Prudence. Let’s chat!
Q. Possibly bisexual: I own always identified as a straight guy, but I am recently panicked and confused by feelings for my best friend (a gay man), “Greg.” We’ve known each other since college and have always been close. I was at his place recently, comf
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